Hello, beauties! It’s been a while…
I am going to get a little personal here and lay it all out on the table. After all, that’s what this blog is for, right?
I’ve been pretty miserable lately and haven’t done anything about it other than complain. If you were to ask me how my day was, how work is going or what I’ve been up to, chances are, you’d get a grunt and a frustrated giggle as a response. For the last two years, this has been my immediate response to those questions and it hasn’t really hit me until recently.
Before I go into more detail, I really want to clarify something. I realize that I am absolutely blessed to have the job that I do. I am able to pay my bills, live comfortably, I have a steady schedule, benefits, etc. I know that it is very difficult for people to find jobs these days, especially one that is stable. I was having a difficult time looking for a good full-time job before I got married and felt nearly hopeless after searching for so long. But God provided as He always does and gave me an incredible opportunity. I do not, DO NOT whine and complain while I am at work. I am actually known for my positive and cheerful attitude and I work as hard and as efficiently as I can, because I know that this job is a blessing and I am so thankful for it!
You see, I have known for a very, very long time that I would someday be in full time ministry. Over the last couple of years, The Lord has been revealing to me more what that will look like. It’s such a beautiful thing to know your calling and purpose. Although we do not always know exactly what it entails or how and when we will get there, there is still beauty in the mystery.
There is something so incredible about trusting God completely with your life. We tend to think that just by calling ourselves believers, tithing regularly and going to church, we are fully trusting in The Lord. Our lives are so much more than that. How about trusting Him when He says to pack up and move to another country? Or to quit our high paying jobs and to go into ministry full-time? When He tells you to adopt a child? Or when He says to buy that homeless man dinner and a hotel room for the night?
So often we ignore the things God is calling us to do. We are either afraid of the unknown or are unsure of whether or not we are really hearing The Lord’s voice (it will never contradict the Word of God). The more often we ignore these things, the more numb we become to hearing and recognizing His voice altogether. God is always wanting to give us opportunities to spread His love, if only we are willing. We may have the most amazing dreams and callings, but it’s up to us to make it become our reality.
Lately, I realized that I have not been taking my own advice. I encourage others to pursue their dreams and to take even the smallest steps in that direction so that they don’t remain stagnant. I am a firm believer that God opens doors for us and gives us opportunities. But I also believe that we have free will and that He doesn’t always push us through those open doors. Sometimes we have to do these things ourselves, we have to want it.
For the last several months, I have been hearing The Lord loud and clear, telling me to move forward. It’s up to me to take the next step. Nothing is going to change in my life if I don’t decide to listen and follow His voice. One of my greatest fears is not even moving backward in my walk, but standing still. No longer hearing His voice and even losing the desire to pursue the dream He has given me.
The reason I have been so down isn’t because I am ungrateful, but rather unfulfilled. My heart is literally exploding with love for young women all over the world and I am sitting here in an office. Staring at a computer. Typing in random codes. All. Day. Long. For the last three years. It’s so difficult for me to be in here when I know I am meant to be out there and there are millions of women that need to be reached and God has appointed me as the one to reach them.
I realize that it’s not going to all unfold perfectly over night, but I am willing to take a step. A big one. I am currently seeking any job opportunities in that field. Rap houses, halfway homes, youth programs, delinquent facilities, etc. Even if they are only hiring for something as small as a receptionist position. Anything that could get me moving in that direction is better than nothing.
Please keep me in your prayers during this new season I am entering. It is crazy, stressful, exciting, scary and beautiful all at once.
Don’t sit around unfulfilled, watching others doing God’s work when you were created to join them. Be a vessel! Listen to the voice of The Lord and do what He says! Your life will be so much more exciting and adventurous than you could ever make it on your own. It won’t always be easy, but I promise it will be worth it!